Schmaltzy

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Ever met someone with such good memories that you have to continuously keep changing the drafts of a blogpost ? Well , that’s what I feel . Words fall short to describe the attributes of this woman. The extremely sensitive taurean who deserves nothing less. How do you compress so many moments of joy in a nutshell . How do you express the love you share for someone on mere words . For people who have been close during bright days and even closer during the gloomy days . How do you describe someone who finds you astonishing when you’ve lost hope on yourself . How do you describe opposites that fit in well together , like pieces of a puzzle . All you can do is thank the stars .

For even the stars on the night sky are drifting far away in this vast expanding universe , how do I hold onto someone who has had a such major impact over my life in such a short period of time . I know it for a fact that theory of relativity is true , for when I’m around her time flies like a butterfly . Friends are the family we choose , and she sure does lighten up my family .

Cutting out people from your life is easy , keeping them is hard . Knowing someone’s imperfections and accepting them in their most raw form is something people can learn from her. A friend is someone who gives you the complete freedom to be yourself and in this indecent , insecure world , she has given me a reason to smile . Thank you for giving me a reassurance , a reason to smile and embrace the day come what may .

From the long rainy walks in lonavla to my explanation of the rock genre to understanding your family tree to the long talks in Kolad to the uncountable laughs we have shared together in navigators to the early morning wake up calls to the late night calls to the 26 calls in a night to the “jumbled cellphone numbers” of ours to the “exchanged surnames” to laughing away while watching dhoom 3 to the missal pavs we shared in canteen to sharing the most dark secrets to bringing color into my life to the group studies to the laughs shared in the library to your slow reading to the “notes” we shared to the mind numbingly gossip we have giggled over to your chocolate sandwiches to the kadak pav walla pav bhaji to the way you used to eat khakhras , to the smell of victoria’s secret , to your obsession with being perfect in all aspects , I have loved it all .I’ve laughed enough to make my cheeks hurt .

Thank you Sweta Lakhani , for being the one person with whom I could share the goofiest as well as the most philosophical talks with . I never got the opportunity to say this however you’re the most understanding person I’ve ever met and the fact that you don’t know it is the part I like the most about you . From sharing the past to predicting the future , we have done it all . These 3 years were quite a rollercoaster and sharing this ride with you was a sublime experience. Never have I met someone who’s just as beautiful on the inside as she is outside . I could continue but I know it for a fact you’ll be grinning like a moron right now with your perfect set of teeth . I want you to know that you are very underestimated by people but then again everyone doesn’t know the true value of a gem . Never stop smiling , you have no idea how many bad days I’ve embraced thanks to your stupid smile and last but not the least never settle for anything else . The right people will value you for what you are and I just hope even if we drift apart geographically , may our friendship never wither away .

To sum it up , here’s 3 years conjured up in a poem that emulates what I’ve experienced :

 

There are places I remember
All my life though some have changed
Some forever not for better
Some have gone and some remain
All these places have their moments
With lovers and friends I still can recall
Some are dead and some are living
In my life I’ve loved them all

But of all these friends and lovers
There is no one compares with you
And these memories lose their meaning
When I think of love as something new
Though I know I’ll never lose affection
For people and things that went before
I know I’ll often stop and think about them
In my life I love you more…

–      The Beatles.

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Schmaltzy

Kalon

Where do I start from ? A whistle or from a perfect note played on an instrument or from distortion being played from miles away , a song for which I hold strong affinity or for the scars I’ve accumulated over the years . For the winter that slowly creeps in , makes my muscles shiver or for the morning sun that awakens my spirit and gives me a reason to smile.  For the beauty that is held up in shadows and are exposed in the light . From her silly dimple that makes me smile or the joy when I see her around . From the way , my eyes see her .

People reckon that loneliness and solitude are the same . How stupid . They consider beauty as perfection . How vacuous , I say . Every individual needs solitude in life .Sometimes you find yourself in the middle of nowhere. Sometimes in the middle of nowhere , you find yourself .  When things don’t work out as they though you should. When the leaves don’t fall and the sunshine doesn’t make you feel happy .When you’re stuck between what the heart wants and what you can’t have . Solitude is the key . There’s a warm feeling in knowing yourself , testing your own limits . Knowing what we consider as our potential and what it really is . Breaking past that illusion and venturing into the beauty of your true self .

Lately , I’ve been feeling desolate . And at that very moment , ” The Secret life of Walter Mitty” hits the theaters . Never has a movie made me feel so happy inside . Such a life affirming movie . A movie that depicts how extraordinary , ordinary people can be . How a movie can be so carefree , inspiring and romantic at the same time . It’s a reminder of how beautifully a movie can transport you to a better place . How life can be defined in few breathtaking moments . How they’ve used the most intellectual songs to mould the background score . I could go on and on about the movie . It left me with a surreal feeling . You’ve got to love it when movies convey such a good message .Truly , they’ve captured the quintessence of life in this movie .

 “Beautiful things don’t ask for attention” . They don’t need to justify the beauty they posses .  Real beauty is seen in those whose existence itself talks for it .  They are the ones who uplift the people around them , who don’t need assurance of someone else .  Some have their beauty concealed  and that’s how the term “Kalon” came up . It refers to beauty that is skin deep .  Beauty that cannot be measured in terms of fairness or the right kind of figure or the strong hairline . It talks about the beauty that everyone possesses , be it in the love and effort they put into their jobs , the passion they share for embracing the ups and downs of life , the courage with which they speak up . The shine in their eyes when they read a book that changes their life . Their liking towards poems , novels , literature, art . The smile on their faces when they’re embraced by their perfect half . Sure , external beauty is what might initially attract you towards someone but it’s the beauty on the inside that will last forever . Take a while , let that last sentence sink into your brain .

 

And with that , I part for stepping into the unknown . The first step is always the scariest part of the journey but like they say , life is all about creating yourself .

 

 “To see the world,

 

 things dangerous to come to,

 

to see behind walls, to draw closer,

 

 to find each other and to feel.

 

That this is the purpose of ‘Life.”

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Kalon

Catharsis

Life can be captured in precisely few moments . Few moments that change the course of a person’s life . When tensions are relieved , ideas are expressed in the conscious state . Groundbreaking things happen . A sigh of relief is given . The soul feels refreshed . You feel like suddenly there are no more knots in your head .  No hidden truths waiting to be discovered . Lie’s in a way are just hidden truths . Some deep dark secrets that you keep to yourself just to mask away from your close ones , from friends , from society . One of the hardest things in life is to let go . Change is inevitable . Change is the only constant thing in life . Ironic isn’t it . However , we hold onto things and inevitably get hurt when things do change .

A word which this world needs to comprehend badly . I see people walking around , straight faces in the streets , in trains , in cafes , everywhere . People following timelines . People walking around with emotional baggage. Sticking to guidelines , wondering about something they lost , something they loved and lost , something they wanted and couldn’t get . Sure , they tell you to check your physical weight once in a while but what about the things you carry in your heart . Deep hidden truths waiting to be discovered . Some worry about their career and where they are going to be few years down the road . Some worry about the mistakes that have uprooted their lives .  Some worry about the love they cherished and lost. Some worry about the love they never got .Everybody has a different story yet the driving factor is same . We are humans at the end of the day and love is what we seek . There’s a surreal feeling in being lost at times . Sometimes all you need is to be alone , understand what your soul seeks and then  the undefined law of the universe does the rest .For you can only connect to someone emotionally when you realize yourself in them .

Life in the fast lane , somewhere between this fast paced life of social networking and instant meals , we still get lonely . We have connected to the world outside yet shut ourselves on the inside .We worry about how people would perceive if they were to see the sadness we are amidst , how they would simply mock it and then there are those who suffer in silence . It gets so easy to judge people . We only talk about the impeccable things they’ve done . We never try to figure out the bigger picture . Believe in forgiveness even with people who are rude to you , not because they are nice but because you are . It’s always the wrong person who teaches you the right things in life . Life is complicated . Everybody has their own daily battles to fight , some struggle with their demons and eventually cave in .

Don’t let this world make you bitter . Don’t let the actions of others turn you cold on the inside . Don’t lose grip over your character . Certain events occur that hurt us , people who entered our life like a bright ray of sunshine disappear like a shadow during dark times . Moments when you’re bound to fall when your knees rest on the ground and you give in , when you can’t see the light at the end of the tunnel . Breathe . Life’s bound to get tough at times . Take whatever life throws you and learn from it .The things that show your weak side are also the same ones that make you stronger in the long run . Life is cruel , however while you fight those demons , just be sure that you don’t turn into one . Don’t let those things make you unkind . It’s okay to vent out the sadness that prevails inside but it’s not okay to wrong someone just because you were done wrong . After all we’re human , we make mistakes . We feel pain . Even the bravest men cry . Don’t dull the universe that resides inside you . Wake up , greet a new morning and remember you are an indefinite universe wrapped in flesh and bones  .

 

Catharsis

Perception.

How many times have you woken up from a kick in a dream . That sudden hypnotic jerk , you feel when you’re falling off stairs or when your arch enemy pushes you down and you so desperately try to climb back to cling onto that thin figment of illusion , what we call a dream yet you lose control and fall into the abyss . Suddenly your brain takes command and a safety mechanism kicks in .You’re kicked out of your very own carefully nurtured illusion and thrown into the state of reality .Funny , how a 3 pound cauliflower sized grey matter works so instinctively even when our body is in a state of total tranquility on the outside.
You see our our mind and body are two separate entities all together and then there’s the added question of the soul being present as well . Everyday they try to struggle like most couples do to exist .We live in a constant state of denial about reality . Like the famous Albert Einstein said “Reality is merely an illusion , albeit a very persistent one” . Reality is a figment of our imagination . How we perceive things matter the most in life . That’s what shapes us .  When , what we often perceive is wrong , how do we ever figure out the pure element of reality . We’re so blinded in the grey element that we often consider things to be either black or white . The best part is though , everybody has a different perception about things . It’s the small things in life that really distinguish us from people .And every time you try to change those things , a little part of you dies for the better or worse . The way we look at the society , the music that influences us , the books we read , the conversations we have , the life changing moments that we witness . They’re the driving factors behind our entire illusion of reality . There are few strong forces though that can rewire our brain , love for instance . When we meet someone with that same warm wave length of ours , our delusional naïve brain is rushed with neurochemicals , oxytocin travels through our synapses leading to attraction , arousal and you know what comes further . They make us feel distracted or obsessed about that someone . We just don’t think about them though . We build an artificial model . The way we perceive them , a simulation that helps us think what they’ll say , how they’ll feel . Most people get into trouble when the simulation meets reality . The question that is yet unexplained is that do we ever fall in love with an another person or just with the our idea of who they are .

Everytime I conduct an orchestra , I see music come to life . It’s a physical force that hits you hard . People underestimate its power .” – Hans Zimmer .

Can an external force like a wave length drive our perception towards how we look at things ? Music serves many purposes in life . Some use it to shaken up their tensions . Some use it for deep thinking . The kind of music you listen to deeply effects your overall character . Personality however is how people perceive you . Character is what you actually are . You can hide your true self from everyone but you can’t hide your character . Music hits rights there , it has the power to affect your character at a very nurturing pace . How often does it happen that you get goosebumps when you listen to a particular song . While your dancing away to your favorite music or in seated in a car gazing outside the window wondering the “ifs” and “buts” of life , you’re heart beat changes and aligns with your breathing rate. The entire brain chemistry changes and your brain is flooded with serotonin .I know its true , because I have witnessed it . Right from schooldays , each and every song or artist I’ve listened to shapes me up to be what I am today . Certainly , so has my thinking changed as years have passed by .The kind of music that alters your thinking , questions your existence , leads you towards reasonable thinking , that pushes you towards the extremes of your own self, that’s the kind of music you should be listening to and very rarely do you get such kind of music these days . Everybody tries to hunt for the wave pattern that warms their heart . In a fundamental level , we are wired to respond to music . Those memories you recall when you listen to certain songs , when time freezes and you’re off to your happy place , thanks to Hippocampus which stores your memories which are designed in such a way that they activate only when you listen to that specific wave pattern .

So go ahead , listen to the music that warms your heart , makes you cry or lets you breathe inside for after all , we are all different in a unique way yet same inside . Alter your perception , expand your imagination , realize that you are much more than what you think you are, liberate your mind from your mortal bonds . You’re the entire universe coalesced in a very distinctive way .

Perception.

Words ..

The French have a saying “tu me manques” .

3 words , so powerful enough to cause ripples in lives . With their meaning lost in depth of translation , people barely know its true meaning now . People often say it means “I miss you “ .  However , it’s meaning is far beyond that . It means “You are missing from me “ .

It gets to me  . Every time I read it few memories back up . Few days when time didn’t matter , when I could take a sigh and know that someone was around . If only I could go back in time and tell myself what I really didn’t notice . Those days , when sunshine was much more brighter , the rain wasn’t harsh and there was a reason to live , hope to look ahead into the future . Just to be embraced by darkness .But what once was his whole world suddenly seemed to crash infront of him .  Nothing had changed , the world was fine . He had changed . Ironic , how people can convey so much through words and much more without saying anything . When you can stay comfortable with someone in utter silence , that’s when you know you’ve found the one .

When you let thoughts do their work . If I had the chance , I would tell him to stop . Walk back . Get out . Get out of this breaking wall . This wall which could tumble any second .  Alas , we all crave love and the misery that comes along with it . It’s  like feeling something which you can’t put to words . That breathless  feeling , that elevated heartbeat when she gets too near , that smile which springs up when you see her .Funny , how out of so many people , your eyes go around to search for her presence in a crowded room . Despite much more pretty people around , nothing would matter . Nothing would matter because he knew there were prettier girls out there but his heart , stuck on one . He just couldn’t let her go . He would dream about a perfect live with her .

He would love her just for the sparkle that would come up every time she talked something she loved .He would love her for more than her looks . For looks may fade , they may deceive . The soul never does. His attention would go towards her smile and enthusiasm and not towards what she was telling .Yet he would act like he heard it all .Nothing warms a woman’s heart like a man revealing his . Ah , the madness of love !

Someday , when he could settle down. Buy a huge mansion somewhere far from the city . Where he could get up beside her every morning and watch the rays of sunshine hit the pillow and know that he has in life what really matters to him . Somewhere , where he could have his moments with her. Having his kid in his arm and having the love of his life beside him . Where their children’s laughter would echo all around . They would have all the time to themselves and just about this time , he would realize that the struggle , the heartbreak he dealt was all a phase of life . A phase he overcame and he would realize that this is his moment . Oh , what people would give to share his moment . To know that their life doesn’t get any better than this .

Well , he would make it just about fine despite the fact that he is in a mess right now . Kinda damaged goods . He knows what kind of life he wants , yet he doesn’t know how to get it . He has all the elements figured out  . He doesn’t mind being bruised . Scaling up the experience ladder with his heavy heart , he braces the world clueless wondering what the future holds for him .

Words ..

The Crisis Of The Rich

“When I went to college ,  I learned in Economics 101 – You do not finance long term investments with short term money and that’s what happened and I believe it happened because GREED took over” – Harvey Miller ( The most prominent bankruptcy lawyer in the nation , Lehman’s bankruptcy attorney )

In 1994 , one share of Lehman Brother had a price of 4 dollars . As the economy boomed by 2007 , that same share was worth 82 dollars . Breathtaking  if you are the reason for the success behind that .A simple statement that if understood by Richard Fuld could have kept the economic world at peace . A man who was the best at what he did , lost everything due to sheer greed . He made top CEO’s of rivals like Merrill Lynch and Citigroup to reisgn . His philosphy was that risk brings in money . The bigger the risk , the higher the stakes of winning . A person whose main aim was to crush his opponents from deep within . In a meeting held for shortsellers  , he said “I am soft, I’m lovable but what I really want to do is reach in, rip out their heart and eat it before they die”. The guy held responsible for one of the biggest economic crisis that affected all over the world . 

In Banking , the first thing they teach you is credit creation . The banks are the ones who create money out of thin air . Legally , they are allowed to give out of a loan in the ratio of 9: 1 . However , the ratio changes as per countries . Lehman Brothers was booming and the risks being taken by the company were enormous . In August 2007 , for every one dollar the bank owned , it was borrowing upto 44 dollars . Lehman’s was borrowing and making credit on a huge scale .

12th – 15th Septermber 2008 ,
A weekend that made the atomsphere unpleasant , a weekend that changed the world . A bank that busted the entire world with the single click of a button . Yes , just a single click of a button .
A meeting setup in just an hour’s notice , chief executives of America’s leading banks the so called masters of the universe to a crisis meeting . Lehman Brothers  lost 6 and a half billion dollars from may to september in 2008 . On a friday afternoon , the company was loosing 8 millon dollars by every minute . The bank had shown on it’s balance sheet that it had 40 billion dollars but because of the huge property crisis they actually had around 25 billion dollars . The losses were being add up and the numbers were getting so huge that they finally had to file for bankruptcy . What happened next took everyone by surprise . Millions of people lost their homes , their jobs , their investments .

The damage could have been shortened a bit if the American government would have stepped in to save the bank . However , their policy was that they couldn’t put taxpayers money on the line . With no support from Barclay’s and the Bank Of America , Lehman Brothers had no other choice than to file for bankruptcy . A day later on 16th september , the policy changed when the government spent 85 billion dollars on saving insurance giant American International Group (AIG) . If the government had no clue what to do, how would the people understand the complexity of banking and the things they were about to witness soon .
Finally , on a dark morning Richard Fuld and the board of directors had one last task to perform , pass the resolution for winding up of the bank . “It was very dark out there and Fuld looked up , clearly a man that was in shock and said I guess this goodbye” – Harvey Miller . After 42 years of working in  Lehman’s , giving the best he could for that bank , Fuld was out of a job . In the middle of the night , the bankruptcy lawyers had completed the preperation , they were ready to file the petition . It was the end of an institution which was one of the originators  of Wall Street and here it was coming to an end by pressing just a button on a computer . When it collapsed on that sunday night , it sent shockwaves throughout the world.The bankers soared so high , they thought they were invincible but they were flying too close to the sun .

On Monday 15th Septermber 2008 , for the first time the Wall street was empty in the morning with nobody to rush to work , with no newspapers being delivered , no shops being opened . 5000 people worked at the London headquarters of Lehman Brothers . When they arrived that morning for work , they were all out of jobs . By the end of monday’s trading 700 billion had been wiped off the global stock market . It was the biggest fall in a day since 9/11 .The real depth of the damage was not seen for weeks or months on a global basis .This crisis caused the severe recession what the entire global economy is facing right now . The entire country was in shock and the entire world was in a denial that such a huge institution could go down .

 The world was on the brink of an economic disaster . People lost confidence in banks , banks lost confidence in credit creation . The whole economy was entering into depression . It was the biigest bankruptcy in the history , it sent the stock markets into nosedive and the media into a frenzy . The amounts bank charged each other for short term loans doubled overnight which meant they couldn’t borrow money . The essence of a bank is it’s confidence and in this case banks lost confidence in banks . It was like a slow moving train wreck . The bailout bill issued by the goverment turned out to be around 700 billion dollars . However , after all votes were cast , the bill failed and 11 days went to waste . Since the collapse of Lehman Brothers , governments have spent over 6 trillion dollars to fight the crisis worldwide .

“At their peak Lehman shares were worth 85 dollars each and before bankruptcy they were worth 3 cents.”

The Crisis Of The Rich

Lost in Oblivion .

Never has anybody written a song so beautifully . That skillful use of words , portrayed into emotions .

This song is called Coming back to life  . Written by David Gilmour for his wife Polly Samson . One of my favorites .

 

Where were you when I was burned and broken
While the days slipped by from my window watching
Where were you when I was hurt and I was helpless
Because the things you say and the things you do surround me
While you were hanging yourself on someone else’s words
Dying to believe in what you heard
I was staring straight into the shining sun

Lost in thought and lost in time
While the seeds of life and the seeds of change were planted
Outside the rain fell dark and slow
While I pondered on this dangerous but irresistible pastime
I took a heavenly ride through our silence
I knew the moment had arrived
For killing the past and coming back to life

I took a heavenly ride through our silence
I knew the waiting had begun
And headed straight..into the shining sun…..

Lost in Oblivion .